My Open Letter: “Blake, You’ve Changed”
I try to keep things light and upbeat here, but every now and then I have to exercise a little catharsis. I recently had someone say to me–in a round about way–that I had changed (in a negative way). That I was “a bit much” for them. The comment hit me like a ton of bricks and I immediately took to my phone calling and texting some of my closest friends to get a 2nd, 3rd and 4th opinion. See, what I heard was, “Blake, you’re fake.” Fake has never been something that I’ve done very well. Quite honestly, there have actually been occasions when I thought that being so might actually get me closer to some of the things I want in life. But at the end of the day…what does it profit a man to gain the world and lose his soul?
At any given point in my life, I can always readily identify exactly what my hangups and flaws are, as I’ve always been a rather introspective person. Now, whether I’ll talk about them in that moment is another thing. It’s not usually until I’ve gotten over those hangups–and adopted new ones, no doubt–that I’m able to openly talk about them. That is why I’m able to openly & honestly share the fact that college for me was characterized by 4 years of immense insecurity and self-consciousness. It’s only been in the years post-college that I’ve been able to reap the benefits of years of my ‘pull yourself together’ talks and finally love the person that I see in the mirror. So when asking myself whether or not my actions could be read as “fake”, I had to answer, “Sure.” But only to those who either a) only knew me during college or b) never really knew me to start with.
The core of who I am is still the same. The packaging has changed, my name has changed and as a result of my newfound self-confidence, the way I interact with the people around me as changed. I’m no longer that girl comparing myself to every female who walks in the room…(most days). I’m no longer the overly self-conscious girl scared to be herself for fear that people wouldn’t like me. But most importantly, what I am now is the person I was always meant to me. To be honest, I have to question whether the people who see that as a negative thing were ever really in my corner in the first place.
I’d be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge that this person’s comment struck a cord with the insecure, little girl inside of me. For a brief moment, I felt like crawling back into my shell and being the person that it took me years to outgrow. But bottom line, I refuse to dim my light for those who think I’m shining too brightly. Get some shades or get over it! I love the person I’ve “changed” into and I’ll fight through hell and high water before I take even one single step back.
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MaryP March 29, 2012 at 7:54 pm
One of my favorite quotes, “I ‘d rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not.” I have seen you grow in so many ways and I love it. Keep doing you!
Andrea Mareli August 23, 2011 at 6:33 pm
Wow! I feel like you wrote this with me in mind. I love the fact that it was so heartfelt and REAL. I’ve had this same issue with people who I thought I was close with. I had to really take a step back and make my circle tighter.
There are people who never want to see you grow and progress in life… I like to call these people… motivators :). They motivate me to do better, strive higher, and reach for the impossible.. And at the end of the day, still smile and embrace them with love. Kill with kindness.
-Andrea Mareli
SeVenSenSe August 22, 2011 at 9:28 am
“I’ll fight through hell and high water before I take even one single step back.”
I love how you say you are the little girl from MACON, clearly realizing where you come from and where you’re heading. When I met you I knew your future was bigger than “crime central US” and that you are still on the horizon of GREATNESS.
Change is for that individual and everyone else can congratulate or stand to the side as you pass them.
MARLEY SIMONE August 21, 2011 at 4:45 pm
You have evolved into a better you and that should be celebrated! Celebrate honey!!!
britshar August 20, 2011 at 10:45 am
“I refuse to dim my light for those who think I’m shining too brightly. Get some shades or get over it!” Love it!
audreysbelle August 19, 2011 at 4:34 pm
I can actually see both sides because technically you have changed – that doesn’t mean it’s bad though. I think maybe your relationship with that person has changed so now they see a different side of you. They look at you for who you used to be, but that’s with everyone. No one is the same from college, especially once you are removed from that toxic AUC environment. But like you said, you in no way have to apologize or answer to that person. I think you just found your passion, and with passion comes freedom. With freedom comes true happiness. Just thinking back on when I really started to get to know you 2 years ago, I wouldn’t say you have changed. You just found what true makes you happy and you aren’t afraid to explore that. You shouldn’t be. The fact that you are a bit too much for them, just means they don’t truly love you as a person and never really did. Even through people’s flaws (and I am in no way saying that that’s what it is) you still love them for being themselves and I personally think now, more than ever, that person should be able to love you as a person because you have become the person you wanted to be and that’s all that matters. Sorry so long 🙂
Nesha J. August 19, 2011 at 4:29 pm
“But at the end of the day…what does it profit a man to gain the world and lose his soul?”… the realest thing I’ve heard all day.